Sunday, January 02, 2011

new year, new struggles

I know, I know... not the right attitude, but it's January 2 and I'm feeling the heartache again. I need to start going to bed earlier because when I don't I start searching Pro-Life things online and end up searching Pro-Choice things too and then I just feel so frustrated.

I've made the mistake in the past of just thinking & saying "Pro-Choicers are stupid" which is so untrue and totally contrary to the compassion we're all called to have for each other. What makes me sad is that I feel in my heart that I really need to be in this fight for the helpless unborn, but it's hard to know where to start when the groups who support abortion feel so strongly also. I heard a quote once that basically expressed that it doesn't matter what you're passionate about so long as you're passionate about something, but it really doesn't hold true to me anymore I guess. Or maybe it just seems to me that some people's passions are misguided. I know I really need to work on my tolerance and patience and understanding though. I used to not be like this but now when I hear that a friend or acquaintance is Pro-C something just alters in my mind and it should not be that way.

The whole argument seems almost silly to me at this point because I really feel like I know my stuff; I can defend my position but rarely face an opportunity where I need to and even in those situations I just feel like everything is so obvious that I don't know where to begin. Over time I think I have gravitated towards people who are like me and with respect for Life being such a huge part of who I am, most people I'm close with share my views on Life so it's like "preaching to the choir" although I don't like to use the word "preach."

Overall right now I just feel kind of icky, just healthwise. I've got a stomachache and my body is sore and I'm really hoping it's not the flu, but more than that I just feel icky from reading these nasty things I've read online (from both sides) about "Pro-Lifers are ignorant, selfish Christians" and "Pro-Choicers are murderers" and it's all just ridiculous. I hate how heavily this all weighs on me because I know the issue isn't going to change overnight... or over the year... and maybe not over this decade or more years to come.

Just have to keep taking it one day at a time, one prayer at a time, one family (mother, child, AND father) at a time.

My Pro-Life new year's resolution: more compassion. The "I know I'm right, how can anyone think differently" attitude has to go and an "I am lucky enough to have been granted understanding and wisdom at a young age and it is my duty to share what I've learned and help those in difficult situations and love those that think I'm crazy" attitude needs to come in.

Giant sigh.



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