Wednesday, September 28, 2011

today was a lullaby

Left work after 45 minutes today after unbearable waves of nausea. It was terrible. It's happened "every so often" for the past 5 months now. That description sounds so pregnant ha ha ha. I went home, curled up in fetal position in my pajamjams and slept until my internship at the PRC started. Today was my first real day and I helped with an abstinence program. Definitely not what I expected - but in a good way! I really enjoyed it. It made me think about doing school social work/counselor type thing... who knows.

Then I started missing my NRL Academy girls and so I sent them a song and then I had my guitar out already and this song always reminds me of new beginnings and I'm kind of wanting to just go to sleep and wake up refreshed and renewed and energized and feeling healthy and organized and priorities in order. That's not exactly the type of new beginning the song refers to, but it still makes me feel warm inside.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

crafting and laugh-ting

On Friday I went to Houston for Texas Right to Life's 14th Annual Celebration of Life. I gave a little speech, so that was fun! It was so great to see a lot of my friends from across the state that I normally don't get to see or chat with, like Ms. Carol! Saturday morning we had brunch with some state representatives and then headed back to San Marcos. It was a quick little trip to Houston, but very worth it.

Today marks the 31st anniversary of China's One Child Policy.... but I'm writing about that tomorrow night. Instead of today being sad though, we had a very productive Bobcats for Life meeting at my apartment followed by a craftathon for our upcoming fundraiser. I love crafts & I love Bobcats for Life... so it was a great combo. Here's some pictures of the craft (flower bracelets) that I'm so excited about.
so great, right?!!!

had a great time with these girls just chatting and working.
I'm really excited about these bracelets. We put some of the baby feet pins in the center of the flowers and it looks so cute. Buttons look great too. I think we'll sell a lot of these for B4L.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

so proud

Just got off the phone with a super awesome young gurlie friend of mine from my hometown. She is starting a chapter of YoungLives back home! I am so proud of her for promoting a culture of life in Allen; she's already been promoting a culture of life across the globe by working in an orphanage in China the past few summers, uh wow! I haven't heard of any other lifegiving organizations back in my 'hood so this is much needed & awesome.

Are you thinking "wHaT iS yOuNgLiVeS?!" Well, here's an answer from their website:
Treating each mom and her child or children with unconditional love and respect, YoungLives offers teen moms relief from the isolation and struggle of their daily lives and hope for the future. YoungLives mentors provide friendship, parenting advice and help meeting the practical demands of raising a child. At YoungLives club and camp, moms get to socialize and have fun while their babies get the best possible care.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

what i am & what i'm not

I've been doodling drafts of this entry in notebooks for a while now. Every so often when folks who disagree with my views on Life start getting rambunctious and can't have a calm and fruitful or at least respectful conversation, the same accusations (as seen below right) keep popping up. So consider this entry my disclaimer to all the haterz out there.

I've gotten called a lot of things and I just brush them off, but it gets old. 
I will probably go into further detail regarding some of these accusations later. 

Saturday, September 17, 2011

not-so-secret weapon: my bfbf

Oh and in case I ever mention my bestfriendboyfriend, this is him and he is so great. Oh and he is Pro-Life, Catholic, sweet, funnier than funny, sho smart, and kind of nice I guess... aka he has it all. With school and work and especially so lately with Bobcats for Life issues that arise that stress me out/frustrate me, he is just what the doctor ordered to keep me from losing my mind (completely). He makes my heart happy. Must go to bed now because I'm picking him up on my way to Mass in 9 hours!

and to answer the question I'm sure everyone is wondering: Yes, it is completely exhausting being such a hawt, mature, and classy couple all the time. I kid. We are goofs and I love it.

back on track

I have a feeling everything is going to be back on track tomorrow. I am really looking forward to going to sleep tomorrow because I'm planning to fall asleep stress-free. I've got some e-mails to catch up on, some writing to do, a homework assignment, and some random little tiny tasks... but I can totally knock that out tomorrow by 7, which is when I'm picking up my bestfriendboyfriend and going to the Matt Maher concert. I've been so busy and running around that I've hardly really had time to sit around and listen to Matt Maher-esque music, Christian Music basically, and I've been struggling to find time just for myself to be still. Everyone should be still every once in a while and just reflect.

Sometimes I watch Spongebob just so I can kind of sit and stare dopily (new adverb? definition: in a dopey manner.) at the screen and all the vibrant colors and just kind of zone out like a baby watching the mobile above their crib. Spongebob is a good way to mentally just unwind; I feel like I'm asleep with my eyes open sometimes when I watch. Everybody Loves Raymond is another show I love to use as a lullaby.

I suppose even writing in this blog sometimes helps me to just mentally unwind and pour out what little energy I have left at the end of a school or work day. Today, for example, is one of those days that has no intellectual thoughts; this entry is for my own benefit. I'm just pouring out all these words so I won't have any words left in my head in a few minutes when I go to bed. I smile just thinking about sleep. :)

I wish Spongebob was on though; I would be out like a light.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


My sickness has reduced to a mere case of the sniffles & sneezles!
I spent over an hour going through my agenda and syllabi (syllabii? syllabuses?) and tried to get myself organized and I think I succeeded.
Advice: You may think that cramming all 4 of your classes back to back on the same day is a good idea... guess what... it isn't! I have 3 tests in one day twice this semester and a few days with 4 assignments due. All I can say to that is LOL!!!!!!!! It's going to be an interesting semester to say the least.

Oh btw... have I mentioned the beautiful paper that which is known as the Bobcats for Life sign in from this week's meeting? I haven't? Oh, well, then I guess you wouldn't know that we filled up the regular chairs at the table, filled up the rando chairs around the room, busted out extra chairs out of the conference room closet, borrowed a couple more chairs from a different room, and then we had people sitting on the floor. I was sweating like crazy because of all the body heat and the small room and lack of ventilation, but I loved it! We had somewhere around 40ish people show up. I was expecting 12. WOW, OKAY! And at least half of them said it was their first meeting; at least a fourth of them were people whose names I didn't know (a few familiar faces). Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Only said that because I love that song... but forreal!

Here's a fun little video featuring 2 things I love: that song & ASL! <3

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

you give me fever

I'm sick. I have been awake off and on since 4:30 this morning and it has been a strange day of waking and sleeping and nightmareing and throwing up (you're welcome for that much needed information) and trying to lay completely still in bed so that I wouldn't feel the urge to puke. It has been quite a day and I missed 4 classes... but the day is over. Just hoping it isn't the flu because I cannot handle getting sick right now.

On another note, I am really lucky to have a great support system all around me throughout my sickness and stress... specifically some lovely ladies, and a few select men, I have met in the Pro-Life movement. I don't just have one support group- I have 3!

First of all, my TX Right to Life family.
I only get to see them all together one time a year at training in June, but the times when I get to see one or two or a few at a time bring me so much joy. We are all facing so many of the same obstacles that we can help each other with and we can all share in each others' joy when one of us finds success. It's really a beautiful thing. These are only a few of the beautiful faces that are scattered across Texas working to defend the unborn and I am so proud to call each of them my friends.

Secondly, my Bobcats for Life family.
I'm so lucky to have these amazing ladies at my side as we deal with the problems life throws at us. They do a great job dealing with me when I get overwhelmed/just want to run away from frustrations, because those frustrations sure show up a lot. They keep me grounded and help me out anytime I ask. They take initiative and think ahead - insert photo of Caroline with her attendance clipboard here and Megan with her Rosary fundraiser ideas - and keep everything in B4L rolling. Also, they are beautiful and hilarious and make doing the work we do SO much fun.

Lastly, but DEFINITELY not least, my National Right to Life Academy sisters.
Spending 6 weeks with 10 girls is bound to create strong friendships, but I didn't realize just how strong and important each of these girls would be to me. I was reminded of that today when I sent a group message out letting them know what I've been going through with school, sickness, and trying to find a balance in life and I was quickly comforted by their kind and thoughtful words that gave me strength and made me laugh. I had expected to keep in contact with the group but I didn't realize how closely connected I would feel to them thanks to our little messaging group we created. Everyday I can hear from a different girl about a trial she is facing or about a joy she wants to share. It's as if I saw them all just last week; it's strange to think it might be a very long time until we will all be reunited in real life. I am so appreciative of them all... especially today.

These beautiful women with such incredible values, strengths, and hearts all have my back and I have each of theirs. I'm so lucky.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

reunited and it feels so good

with Elizabeth from Austin Coalition for Life & my darling babes from Texas Right to Life

Monday, September 05, 2011

bad a

one of my heroes shared this quote with me this weekend and i am currently obsessed with it.

sidewalk counseling

I'd always known that sidewalk counseling was definitely a calling and not for everyone, regardless of how passionate you are about helping mothers & the unborn, but I learned just how true that is this weekend.

Everytime I've gone to the "clinic" (we'll call it that here just for today) I have become frustrated by the volume of the sidewalk counselors' voices. With the clinic right off the highway and the parking lot being a pretty decent distance from where public property is, it is difficult to get a message to the women clearly without raising your voice to sound like a yell. I am a loud person (#flaw) and I am really easily frustrated (#flaw) so I would leave the clinic just feeling so helpless that these kindhearted sweet sidewalk counselors are basically whispering to these women. It hurt me to watch. THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP! is all I could think when I'd be there praying. Then this Saturday happened and I think I understand a bit more.

Good news is that I think the women can hear better than I can because the highway is next to us (prayer volunteers) and the counselors' voices are directed toward the women, while frustrated & helpless ole' me is placed in the opposite direction of the voices. So that's good. Bad news is that I suck at sidewalk counseling.

I can talk to people pretty easily. I loved talking to strangers (and rando PP volunteers- hey Patrick if you are reading this, wassuppppp) in D.C. and I can talk to strangers on planes and have great, civilized conversations about abortion and religion and the most controversial & awkward topics but still have a good time, but when it came to standing by that fence and talking to these women living what I'm guessing is one of the hardest days of their lives... I didn't have any words.

SPEECHLESS isn't usually a word that describes me, but watching a couple get out of the car looking so lifeless and heavy hearted and angry... I was speechless. My mouth was literally open and my jaw was like moving trying to feel for a familiar motion that would somehow formulate the right words or even 1 word that I could say but nothing could come out. After failing myself and failing these babies I would look over to the other sidewalk counselor and kind of shrug or nod to tell her to take over and try. I failed.

I was there for 2 hours, which is the longest I have ever stayed, and within the first 15 minutes I almost just lost it. Abortion kills children and abortion kills my spirit when I really face it and really let its gravity sink in, and that's what I did initially... which was a bad choice considering my purpose was to be there on the sidewalks to help these women and babies and fathers... so I sucked the tears back in and just kind of pushed through the 2 hours without letting my heart break into too many pieces.

The deepest hurt I have felt in a long time was staying there for those 2 hours; I have never watched a woman/couple pull into the parking lot, walk right by me, say no to being offered help, enter the clinic... and then watched them emerge 2 hours later... with one less person with them. One woman who I saw go in was so beautiful; she had perfect skin, although it looked like she'd been crying and she had puffy eyes upon arrival, and she had great long blonde hair that I was so jealous of. When she and her boyfriend/husband (holding hands) came out of the clinic... it was like a different person. She was still so beautiful, but now she's going to be carrying so much pain beneath that beauty and, God, what hurt. Her boyfriend/husband was attractive too (AND he drove one of the fanciest cars I've seen in a while; LOTS of fancy cars in that parking lot on Saturday). I wonder who their baby would've looked like.

Basically... I have so much respect for sidewalk counselors. I already respected them before, but now... SO much more. I don't know that I am supposed to be one honestly...which stinks because I have so much love for these women and babies that I can't even put into words, but I just don't do well with people being angry at me and there were 2-3 people going in on Saturday whose anger towards the other sidewalk counselors felt like a jab into my own heart; I can't take that pain, or can I?

I really feel like I failed those children and I don't know when the next time I will go back will be. I can't bear to be there long enough for an abortion to take place. I can't watch the babies go in and watch their mothers come out without them. It's just like look Sarah, look what you should have prevented and didn't. I feel responsible.

One of the sidewalk counselors consoled that feeling I had by saying that it really is almost too late; the women have their minds seemingly made up and they have made their appointment and they are showing up for the appointment. Other than the baby actually being killed, everything has already taken place and it is practically too late... practically.

I was so heartbroken that I went home afterwards and turned on "Beauty and the Beast" and napped for 4 hours. Still hurts.

out of the dust

After seeing some girls leave the abortion facility this weekend and really seeing the brokenness on their faces, one girl in particular who broke down in tears as soon as she got in her car, I am reminded of this song and really hope that those girls can find peace in what is surely a really crappy time in their lives. That one girl in particular, with glasses and a kind looking friend/boyfriend, just broke my heart in pieces. I wish I could've helped her.


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