proud

I have never thought of myself as someone who brags, but I brag on Ryan to my friends a lot. I mean, there is a lot to brag about. Yesterday I got to see him win such a special award and I am just so proud of him.

I can't say that I fully understand some of the things on his resume, but I have gotten a better grasp of it after yesterday, I think. Student Foundation is an organization that Ryan has been a member of for 3 years, having a leadership role for 2 of those years. Honestly, I still barely understand Student Foundation. They have a few events that I recognize, but beyond planning a few events I always felt like there were just so many meetings. Clearly I'm missing something or maybe I was just jealous that StuFo stole Ryan away from me for a few hours a week! From my outsider perspective, and from playing games on his phone and therefore seeing e-mail and text pop-ups and getting into about StuFo news that way, I saw Ryan being so professional, helpful, and kind even in a group text. Believe me, I've been a passive aggressive party in a group text before; people back out and bail on you and it feels good to make those little jabs like "Well okay, since none of you all decided to do X-task, I will set aside everything I have going on and do it all by myself." One thing I love about Ryan is that he doesn't say little bitchy things like that to people like I do. Even though sometimes - not StuFo necessarily - situations will arise and I'm like, "OMG Ryan are you kidding me? This person is dumb as rocks and CANNOT spell- they screwed up, it's their own fault, this isn't your responsibility, etc.," I love that Ryan doesn't listen to my snarky advice (most of the time...okay 99% of the time...) and he maintains his professional kindness with others.

Did that make sense? You know, people talk all about character and stuff when it comes to leadership. I'm just like don't be a jerk and don't take advantage of people and get stuff done. Ryan accomplishes all three of those things. That's why I think he's a good leader.

Anyways, last night Ryan and I went to the awards ceremony for an organization called Stelos Alliance. From what I understand, it is an organization that seeks to award scholarships to student leaders. Like I said, I don't always fully understand the things on Ryan's resume completely. Going into the event, Ryan and all of the other award recipients knew that they would win a scholarship of some kind, but did not know which scholarship or for what amount. Some scholarships were $500, some more, and one scholarship was $5,000. Obviously the biggest scholarship was saved for last, so the night went on and one by one all of the recipients were called up to be honored for their leadership and service to their fellow students. There were six students left when, by some mistake, the pictures of five students flashed up on the screen to receive a Student Foundation scholarship. It happened so fast, but everyone saw and laughed. I wasn't quite sure how everything worked, but Ryan's face was not among those five. My first thought- Did Ryan win the final scholarship? My next thought- wait... so is Ryan not receiving a scholarship? I will say a third time that I don't completely understand all of these organizations and things. So we waited and, apparently Ryan knew at that point he won. For some reason, when they called him up there, my eyes got watery. Well, I wasn't going to cry because that would be weird, but I was so proud of Ryan. The president of the organization awarding the scholarship shared some wonderful details about Ryan that, in my opinion, only barely scratched the surface of what a kindhearted, worthy, and deserving individual Ryan is, and he also called Ryan by the wrong name once (which was funny/awkward/funny). I felt so proud to look up there and see RG  in his sharp tan suit and gold eBay tie I ordered from China for $4 last week (LOL). He stood so tall and maintained his usual humble nature as he stood next to someone showering him with praises and affirmations. It was so special.

The scholarship, the Bill Hogue Memorial Scholarship, was created after a TX State student, Bill Hogue, was tragically killed 6 weeks after his graduation in 1988. A lot of sentimental thoughts about Bill were shared last night and he sounds like he was really a wonderful man. Ryan has a lot in common with him, I believe- both well liked by their peers, both always worked, they both loved the Square, they both were members of StuFo, and they both were involved in the Catholic Student Center despite all of their responsibilities in organizations, in school, and at work. How rare that someone can accomplish so much and maintain a giving spirit and cultivate their spiritual life in such a way? Or perhaps that is how they both managed to do so much- having their faith be a central part of their lives in states of such chaos that is college life. I wish they had mentioned this connection last night because that was the most wonderful part of it, in my opinion. I'm sure that the alliance was aware of that connection and I hope that they realize what a special bond that is between the two men.

I didn't think I would be so touched or would be so overwhelmed with pride after something like last night, but I am just so proud. Okay, better study for my test that's in 20 min!

March For Life happiness

We went to the March For Life last week, as mentioned in my previous post, and had a great time. When I say "we" I mean Bobcats For Life. However, I think the part of the weekend that was most special for me was just getting to share it with Ryan. I mean, he is a part of Bobcats For Life, but having him there as my boyfriend and my best friend, not just as a member of the organization, was special to me. He visited me in DC when I was there for the NRL Academy so it was nice to be back there together again.

Ryan is so special to me. When we arrived on Thursday night, we were both experiencing some pretty bad ear discomfort. I felt pretty stressed out and now in pain from ear issues and I kind of just wanted to go to bed and wake up again feeling great. Unfortunately, the night continued to be stressful with the 8 of us trying to find food in the cold at 11 p.m. and my hearing slowly fading away. Once we all got back to the hotel after dinner, I just couldn't handle the pain in my ears. It was just so terrible; it wasn't the normal airplane ear discomfort. Ryan stayed by my side throughout my whole ordeal. He went with me down to the lobby so I could cry without worrying about waking up anyone in the room. He searched on Google for cures (which, by the way, are bullshit. Yawning? nope. Gum chewing? tried it. Plugging your nose and blowing? don't want permanent ear drum damage.) and sat there with me as I cried and cried and used up a box of tissues from my tears and runny nose. He called his mom for motherly advice at 2 a.m. when my mom didn't answer (she did later, to her credit.). He searched online for a 24 hour clinic, but to no avail. He talked me through it all. Honestly, he handled himself like a social worker would. I recognized in him some listening and reflecting skills that I'd read about in my textbook that day. At the end of the night, after lots of phone calls to my insurance company's 24 hour nurse hotline and to our moms and a can of ginger ale, I ended up taking melatonin & ibuprofen and falling asleep on some hot hands. I woke up the next morning feeling so much better. I was so grateful for the care that Ryan provided me, despite how tired he was from such a long and exhausting day of travel and his own ear discomfort. How lucky am I.

The next morning was the Holocaust museum and the Rally. Before the rally, Ryan went with me to visit National Right to Life's office. I hadn't been back since the Academy and, even though I don't really have a relationship with anyone that was there that day, it just felt nice to go back into that building where I spent such a wonderful summer. This is where I got to be reunited with one of my Academy sisters- Erin (pictured above)! It was one of those dramatic "see each other from afar and run up" hugs. It felt so wonderful to see one of the girls in person after 1.5 years of staying so close through our online thread. I really feel so close to these wonderful women, even if we are all across the country doing so many different things. It is so great to be a part of a group of women and be the least lovely. I don't know if that makes sense, but these ladies are all just so much better than me, in that they all just make me want to go do good and be patient and respond to crises with prayer and not with angry emails. They have provided me with so much kind and thoughtful counsel since we met and I am just so lucky to have them to lift me up from this bitter & impatient place I feel like I have fallen into. How lucky I am to be the worst of us and to be able to benefit from so much grace that they share with me.

The Rally was great. It was so much better than the rally in 2011. Seriously. I was really actually inspired by some of the speakers, namely (and surprisingly) Senator Santorum. I didn't think he would really go the emotional route; I thought it would be more of a political speech than a personal testimony. It was really nice.  The thing that everyone from our group mentioned feeling inspired by was just the sense of being surrounded by so many people with a similar passion for protecting life. Sometimes I feel so exhausted, almost like swimming upstream, fighting this battle... but in this whole crowd, it's like you're just swept away by all the supporters. It's nice to just go with the flow; it feels safe in a way to just be able to let your guard down and not worry about having to fight for a little bit. I didn't see a single protester. I did hear some cray guy protesting the Cardinal that spoke.... but that was a really inappropriate time for that little outburst. Sad part of the March was that the whole reason we flew out to DC from Texas was to March for Life... and only 3 out of 8 of us actually finished the March. Everyone got too cold (and I don't blame em! I couldn't have lasted much longer.) and ended up going indoors to museums. I think 2 more might have finished the March after warming up. It was just a bummer we couldn't all march together. Oh well! Got to run into a friend who is now with the Sisters of Mary Mother of the Eucharist while on the march! It was a beautiful surprise. So lovely to see her looking so happy.

The rest of the weekend was great. Ryan and I did a lot of fun things together during free time. We got to meet up with a friend of mine who just graduated from Baylor and had moved to the city 4 days prior. It was so much fun meeting her & her roommate; we had a wonderful time! It was beautiful to see snow on the ground, an old friend's face, and Ryan in his winter hat. So many wonderful sights to see - and I don't even mean the monuments or museums. The bouncer at the bar we went to was playing Angry Birds so we talked about that for a while (just wanted to remember this hilarious moment in years to come). We also went to a bar we had found on Yelp a few weeks back and were so excited to see that the drinks were as awesome as the reviews suggested (Stan's Restaurant, folks!).
The next day, Ryan and I went to the Students for Life of America conference. I felt a little old for it, to be honest. After spending so much time in this movement as a college student, it just felt like stuff I had already heard a hundred times and also stuff I didn't think was relevant. Had a social worker conscience twinge when some guy - who I obviously didn't enjoy because I don't even remember his name - went on some rant about how the "COEXIST" bumper stickers are evil. Well, I'll rant about how wrong he is another day, but I wasn't going to sit there and have my soul cry from listening to such ignorance so Ryan and I went to check out the booths and I got to meet some sweet ladies from Feminists for Life. I think that was the highlight of the conference for me. We didn't stay the whole time. I do think it is a good experience for high schoolers and college students that are new to the movement and want to be in the pro-life movement with a very religious emphasis. I, however, am not about that. Another post on that someday. lolz. I appreciated the opportunity to attend though. It was inspiring to see so many teens gathered in one room for life.

That night, we went to the Basilica for Mass. Only bummer is that by the time we got there, the place was packed & standing room only.... and it was HOT. I felt really faint and couldn't stay in the main church area with all that heat, so I went downstairs to my favorite spot in the whole place. The chapel of Our Lady of Brezje. Something about this place has drawn me in since the first time I was there in January 2011. I ended up praying there after traveling 1,500 miles from San Marcos to D.C. only to run into the person who hurt me more than I'd ever been hurt before and had not seen in 6 months. What were the odds of that? I'd say close to slim. But after that chance/freak encounter I remember feeling so shaky and uneasy. Gosh, when I saw this person I honestly felt like I was in a bad dream. I immediately whispered to Reese, "he's here" and she knew exactly what I meant. I ended up speaking to this person - civilly, as considering unposted circumstances, there wouldn't have been a way for me to speak to him uncivilly - and walking away. That was the last time I saw him. Shaken from an unexpected trip to a dark time from the previous summer, I went wandering around the lower church to look at the chapels. There were hundreds of people down there for overflow seating from the upper church. People were in almost every chapel, praying or looking or taking pictures, but this one was empty... and it has always been empty everytime I have been there. I remember kneeling there and crying and feeling comfort in the fact that I had no one around to ask if I'm okay or try to talk to me. I remember just wanting to cry. The wall on the right had a quote engraved in it that may have been chiseled in the marble just for me in that moment:

and I kind of understood that the whole experience maybe just needed to happen. God needed me stuck in overflow seating and needed that person to be across the country in the lower church wearing that ensemble standing with that group of his colleagues - to prevent an uncivil discourse or tears on my part, perhaps - for me to have some kind of closure? I don't know. I just know that I cried in this chapel and I love this quote and that was probably the last day he really had much of a hold over me in a destructive way.
It felt really therapeutic to be back in this chapel almost exactly 2 years later knowing that I am free from the fear and insecurity caused by that person. It was wonderful to know that upstairs at Mass was my Ryan, a man who respects me and loves me and would never treat me the way I'd been treated by this person. I don't think I usually get this person on this blog- oops! I don't think I've written very explicitly about this person and I think this will be the only time I delve into that, but it is over and I am loved and I am respected and I am happy. I love that chapel and the chance to kneel there and pray. I haven't been praying enough lately; it is a problem. This is the prayer of Our Lady of Brezje:

Mary, Help of Christians,you show us how to be Christian,how to "hear the word of God and keep it" (Luke 11:28).Help us to respond to God as you did,that His power work in us,that the Spirit form Christ in us,and that His mind, His heart, His will be ours.We ask this through Christ, Our Lord. Amen.

After Mass, 4 of us went to Chinatown for dinner. I loved the food I had at Ming's! Ryan and I were both surprised by how much I enjoyed it, haha. After Ming's was one of the coolest parts of the night - meeting Ruthie (author of The Itchy Scapular)! I had never met Ruthie in real life before. We met through a very strange series of occurences that I think goes from Youtube to Blogger to Youtube to Blogger to Youtube to Facebook, or some combination of that. Luckily, I wasn't catfished! Ryan and I had so much fun meeting Ruthie and hanging out with some of her hilarious army friends at a very TEXAN bar called Hill Country. It was just so great to meet someone whose blog I've read and whose statuses I have liked. Ruthie is just lovely and hope we can meet up again!

 Had to get a traditional pic with the beautiful Mother Teresa statue at the Basilica. I swear I have a third one from another visit floating around my computer somewhere.

Overall, I just have to say that it was a lovely time. I've made this comment before but it's the only way I can think to describe- I lost my voice and can barely hear out of either ear, but doing what I love with the one I love was beautiful & unforgettable.


Oh, p.s. turns out I have a double ear infection & I'm on antibiotics. the end.

giving

"You often say, 'I would give, but only to the deserving.' The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish. 
-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

The Prophet is one of my top 5 favorite books. It is up there with The Alchemist, The Broken Wings, maybe Redeeming Love and I don't know what the 5th would be off the top of my head... should give that some thinking. 

earth day

although I believe human rights should be a higher priority than the rights of a tree, I acknowledge that the earth is a gift from God and is to be respected as such... and I love nature. Just went through my "spring 2010" album of pictures and realized I got to spend a lot of time outside. These are some pictures (many CLEARLY edited, but whatever) that show why I love nature.

timeline of love

as a beautiful series of events has just come to a close, I felt an entry was needed to document how amazing God is and how crazy perfect His plans are. It all started with an angry pro-choice poster and it ended with 500 people applauding a brave woman.

September
- discovered a poster on campus promoting a protest outside of an Austin PRC's fundraising dinner. (as seen at right... I found the flyer on Facebook later)
- Sarah G called the PRC and warned them.
- the PRC director, Lori, was grateful for the heads up (the protest ended up being a flop).

October
- Lori came all the way to San Marcos to our next meeting and shared stories.
- we asked if we might adopt a family of one of her clients for Christmas.

December
- we were matched with Margaret's family.
- we all donated toys, clothes, diapers for the baby twins and 3 year old.
- as a group, we wrapped and decorated all of the gifts
- about 12 of us drove to Austin to deliver the gifts to Margaret at the PRC
- we met one of the most grateful women ever. Margaret shared her life story with us.
- the idea of throwing a 1st birthday party for Margaret's twins was thrown out there.
- Margaret's kids had an amazing (<-link to more pictures) Christmas.

February
- planning stage for the twins' birthday party.
- keeping in touch with Margaret.

March
- 4 of us drove to Austin to have a birthday party (<- link to more pictures) for Lolo & Margarita.
- we had an awesome time.
- 3 year old Rosa loved the bubbles we brought her.
- Lolo loved the cupcakes.
- the following week, I sent Margaret an application for a scholarship I found online for a mother who had chosen life for her children.
- over spring break, we emailed daily getting all of her application requirements taken care of.
- in less than a week, Margaret had everything turned in.



April
- after a very rough week, Margaret received some beautiful news.
- she received notification that she won the scholarship!
- Margaret & family attended a beautiful gala to receive the scholarship.
- after reading her application essay to the 500 people present, Margaret received a standing ovation. (I wish I had a picture)
- oh yeah, and Ryan & I got to babysit the babies during the gala (so fun).


This whole journey has been so beautiful. It has been such a blessing to be with Margaret through this. I haven't happy cried so much in my life as I have as a result of spontaneous blessings she received during the past 4 months. Granted, there were downs too... but the ups, oh the ups were so incredible.

It all started with an angry pro-choice poster hanging up on a bulletin board in the philosophy building that I passed by while delivering mail. The Lord works in mysterious (and super weird) ways.




These little faces are just too great.

what love is

For Christmas, Bobcats for Life adopted a PRC client's family and provided gifts and diapers. We were so taken by the mother that we offered to throw a birthday party for her twin babies. Well, that day finally arrived and it was so amazing to meet the little ones whose names we wrote on the to-and-from tags last semester. Hearing about the struggles this family faces makes my heart ache, but I am happy knowing that we have helped them in some way. When I see the last picture on this blog post (a picture of my friend Elise holding one of the twins) I just think: this is what love is. So grateful for this opportunity to love. Makes me want to do direct social work practice someday, but we'll see. 

this is love 

2012 Texas Rally for Life

I've taken a lot of pictures in my life, but this is definitely one of my top 5 favorites.

so proud

Just got off the phone with a super awesome young gurlie friend of mine from my hometown. She is starting a chapter of YoungLives back home! I am so proud of her for promoting a culture of life in Allen; she's already been promoting a culture of life across the globe by working in an orphanage in China the past few summers, uh wow! I haven't heard of any other lifegiving organizations back in my 'hood so this is much needed & awesome.






Are you thinking "wHaT iS yOuNgLiVeS?!" Well, here's an answer from their website:

Treating each mom and her child or children with unconditional love and respect, YoungLives offers teen moms relief from the isolation and struggle of their daily lives and hope for the future. YoungLives mentors provide friendship, parenting advice and help meeting the practical demands of raising a child. At YoungLives club and camp, moms get to socialize and have fun while their babies get the best possible care.

FABULOUS! <3

not-so-secret weapon: my bfbf

Oh and in case I ever mention my bestfriendboyfriend, this is him and he is so great. Oh and he is Pro-Life, Catholic, sweet, funnier than funny, sho smart, and kind of nice I guess... aka he has it all. With school and work and especially so lately with Bobcats for Life issues that arise that stress me out/frustrate me, he is just what the doctor ordered to keep me from losing my mind (completely). He makes my heart happy. Must go to bed now because I'm picking him up on my way to Mass in 9 hours!

and to answer the question I'm sure everyone is wondering: Yes, it is completely exhausting being such a hawt, mature, and classy couple all the time. I kid. We are goofs and I love it.

you give me fever

I'm sick. I have been awake off and on since 4:30 this morning and it has been a strange day of waking and sleeping and nightmareing and throwing up (you're welcome for that much needed information) and trying to lay completely still in bed so that I wouldn't feel the urge to puke. It has been quite a day and I missed 4 classes... but the day is over. Just hoping it isn't the flu because I cannot handle getting sick right now.

On another note, I am really lucky to have a great support system all around me throughout my sickness and stress... specifically some lovely ladies, and a few select men, I have met in the Pro-Life movement. I don't just have one support group- I have 3!

First of all, my TX Right to Life family.

I only get to see them all together one time a year at training in June, but the times when I get to see one or two or a few at a time bring me so much joy. We are all facing so many of the same obstacles that we can help each other with and we can all share in each others' joy when one of us finds success. It's really a beautiful thing. These are only a few of the beautiful faces that are scattered across Texas working to defend the unborn and I am so proud to call each of them my friends.

Secondly, my Bobcats for Life family.

I'm so lucky to have these amazing ladies at my side as we deal with the problems life throws at us. They do a great job dealing with me when I get overwhelmed/just want to run away from frustrations, because those frustrations sure show up a lot. They keep me grounded and help me out anytime I ask. They take initiative and think ahead - insert photo of Caroline with her attendance clipboard here and Megan with her Rosary fundraiser ideas - and keep everything in B4L rolling. Also, they are beautiful and hilarious and make doing the work we do SO much fun.

Lastly, but DEFINITELY not least, my National Right to Life Academy sisters.

Spending 6 weeks with 10 girls is bound to create strong friendships, but I didn't realize just how strong and important each of these girls would be to me. I was reminded of that today when I sent a group message out letting them know what I've been going through with school, sickness, and trying to find a balance in life and I was quickly comforted by their kind and thoughtful words that gave me strength and made me laugh. I had expected to keep in contact with the group but I didn't realize how closely connected I would feel to them thanks to our little messaging group we created. Everyday I can hear from a different girl about a trial she is facing or about a joy she wants to share. It's as if I saw them all just last week; it's strange to think it might be a very long time until we will all be reunited in real life. I am so appreciative of them all... especially today.

These beautiful women with such incredible values, strengths, and hearts all have my back and I have each of theirs. I'm so lucky.

sidewalk counseling

I'd always known that sidewalk counseling was definitely a calling and not for everyone, regardless of how passionate you are about helping mothers & the unborn, but I learned just how true that is this weekend.

Everytime I've gone to the "clinic" (we'll call it that here just for today) I have become frustrated by the volume of the sidewalk counselors' voices. With the clinic right off the highway and the parking lot being a pretty decent distance from where public property is, it is difficult to get a message to the women clearly without raising your voice to sound like a yell. I am a loud person (#flaw) and I am really easily frustrated (#flaw) so I would leave the clinic just feeling so helpless that these kindhearted sweet sidewalk counselors are basically whispering to these women. It hurt me to watch. THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP! is all I could think when I'd be there praying. Then this Saturday happened and I think I understand a bit more.

Good news is that I think the women can hear better than I can because the highway is next to us (prayer volunteers) and the counselors' voices are directed toward the women, while frustrated & helpless ole' me is placed in the opposite direction of the voices. So that's good. Bad news is that I suck at sidewalk counseling.

I can talk to people pretty easily. I loved talking to strangers (and rando PP volunteers- hey Patrick if you are reading this, wassuppppp) in D.C. and I can talk to strangers on planes and have great, civilized conversations about abortion and religion and the most controversial & awkward topics but still have a good time, but when it came to standing by that fence and talking to these women living what I'm guessing is one of the hardest days of their lives... I didn't have any words.

SPEECHLESS isn't usually a word that describes me, but watching a couple get out of the car looking so lifeless and heavy hearted and angry... I was speechless. My mouth was literally open and my jaw was like moving trying to feel for a familiar motion that would somehow formulate the right words or even 1 word that I could say but nothing could come out. After failing myself and failing these babies I would look over to the other sidewalk counselor and kind of shrug or nod to tell her to take over and try. I failed.

I was there for 2 hours, which is the longest I have ever stayed, and within the first 15 minutes I almost just lost it. Abortion kills children and abortion kills my spirit when I really face it and really let its gravity sink in, and that's what I did initially... which was a bad choice considering my purpose was to be there on the sidewalks to help these women and babies and fathers... so I sucked the tears back in and just kind of pushed through the 2 hours without letting my heart break into too many pieces.

The deepest hurt I have felt in a long time was staying there for those 2 hours; I have never watched a woman/couple pull into the parking lot, walk right by me, say no to being offered help, enter the clinic... and then watched them emerge 2 hours later... with one less person with them. One woman who I saw go in was so beautiful; she had perfect skin, although it looked like she'd been crying and she had puffy eyes upon arrival, and she had great long blonde hair that I was so jealous of. When she and her boyfriend/husband (holding hands) came out of the clinic... it was like a different person. She was still so beautiful, but now she's going to be carrying so much pain beneath that beauty and, God, what hurt. Her boyfriend/husband was attractive too (AND he drove one of the fanciest cars I've seen in a while; LOTS of fancy cars in that parking lot on Saturday). I wonder who their baby would've looked like.

Basically... I have so much respect for sidewalk counselors. I already respected them before, but now... SO much more. I don't know that I am supposed to be one honestly...which stinks because I have so much love for these women and babies that I can't even put into words, but I just don't do well with people being angry at me and there were 2-3 people going in on Saturday whose anger towards the other sidewalk counselors felt like a jab into my own heart; I can't take that pain, or can I?

I really feel like I failed those children and I don't know when the next time I will go back will be. I can't bear to be there long enough for an abortion to take place. I can't watch the babies go in and watch their mothers come out without them. It's just like look Sarah, look what you should have prevented and didn't. I feel responsible.

One of the sidewalk counselors consoled that feeling I had by saying that it really is almost too late; the women have their minds seemingly made up and they have made their appointment and they are showing up for the appointment. Other than the baby actually being killed, everything has already taken place and it is practically too late... practically.

I was so heartbroken that I went home afterwards and turned on "Beauty and the Beast" and napped for 4 hours. Still hurts.

out of the dust

After seeing some girls leave the abortion facility this weekend and really seeing the brokenness on their faces, one girl in particular who broke down in tears as soon as she got in her car, I am reminded of this song and really hope that those girls can find peace in what is surely a really crappy time in their lives. That one girl in particular, with glasses and a kind looking friend/boyfriend, just broke my heart in pieces. I wish I could've helped her.

not society, not we, but ME

Love isn't something you can just say or pray,

loving is serving and giving away.

Nighttime rant! I hate the word SOCIETY. I hate it because it is thrown into generalizations all the time and it is blamed for everything. The problem with that is that most of these people, myself included, are making these statements without taking a step back and remembering- oh, hey, I'm a part of this society I'm talking about. This society is a 'we' and I am included. Oops. We, I, have to stop hiding the ME behind the WE and accept culpability for the problems we, you, I see.

I'm going to bold the blame that we need to face rather than reassign to a vague group, a society, a larger "we."


We, I, can sit around and talk about getting healthcare for everyone all day, but when we- when I - pass the amputee asking for change on the street because he can't get a job, we, I, don't give him change and talk to him and ask him if he is receiving the treatment he needs or whether there is ramp access for him to whatever buildings he needs to go to.

We, I, can talk about Jesus and His love for us and the Bible all day long, but when we- when I - don't put into practice the instructions we have been given by this Man we, I, claim to love and when we, I, are not following the instructions of this Book we claim to be fueled by... what do we become? what do I become
Maybe a resounding gong... maybe a clanging cymbal...

We, I, have to be the answers to our own- to my own - prayers. Pray for the needy, feed the needy. Pray for the naked, clothe the naked. Pray for the hopeless, offer them hope. Pray for the unloved, love them.

Accept that YOU are the problem sometimes. I am the problem when I fail to love, as I do often.

An American soldier, after liberating the Jews, said:

How could we [the world] have stood by and let that happen to them?

so how can we, the world, stand by and let the injustices, the poverty, the horrors afflicted on the "lowliest" of our population happen? how can you stand by and let the injustices, the poverty, the horrors afflicted on the "lowliest" of our population happen? how can I stand by and let the injustices, the poverty, the horrors afflicted on the "lowliest" of our population happen?

Likewise, as it is wrong to assign one's own failures to love to a society, it is also wrong to assign a group's failure to love to its individuals... an example: Planned Parenthood. Clearly I am not a supporter of theirs, but to say that people who support PP are bad is wrong; it's not the people that are bad, it's the misguided compassion/misinformation. Granted, I do think there are a couple people who might not exactly know their stuff and might be too stubborn to acknowledge hard facts that prove the negative effects of abortion on women and PP's large financial gains from abortion, but not everyone is bad overall. I feel like this paragraph is "another post for another day."

I don't know if this will make sense when I reread in the morning, but I refuse to pass by another person on the streets without giving love. Mother Teresa said: "Peace begins with a smile" and sometimes, as a "broke college student" a smile is all I can afford, but maybe sometimes it could be all that a person needs.

small things with great love