March For Life: Frustrations & Trip Planning Tips

On Thursday, 8 of our Bobcats For Life group headed out to DC for the March For Life. It all went well, but in retrospect there are a few things I would've done differently. DON'T GET ME WRONG, the trip was great. There were a few times I was frustrated... and these are ways that frustration could have been avoided:

 

Trip planning tip #1: Plan early, so you don't have 8 people on 5 different itineraries out of 2 different cities. The earlier you plan, the cheaper tickets are and the more likely you are to be able to find all your tickets on the same flight. Ryan and I flew together which was nice, but also had to provide a ride for 2 others who were flying out 5 hours before us, so our day started at 7:30 a.m. for our 2:00 flight...which proved to be exhausting at the day's end. 

Trip planning tip #2: Tell the group they have to bring cash- not just $20 bills, but $5s and $1s would be preferred. Just to be kind to the waiters at restaurants, do this. Also, when 2 of our group members wanted to split a cupcake that cost $3.95 plus tax, THE WORLD ALMOST ENDED. They each had a $20 bill and the total was like $4.27 so they wanted the guy working at the cupcake shop to do the math and split it, then take both of their $20 bills, then give them the change for the $40.... basically it was hell. I offered to just pay for the damn thing, but eventually - after an embarrassingly long and loud process that left the man working the register shaking his head - it got sorted out. I never carry cash with me when I'm at home, which I should, but definitely tell your group members to bring cash in small denominations to pay for food at restaurants when they won't split the check AND for times when they want to be petty and worry about who is paying $0.01 more when splitting a cupcake.

Also, make sure members realize that - if their trip was fully or partially funded by the organization or donations - they kind of don't have the right to complain about having to spend a few extra dollars at a restaurant on a meal. Believe me, I'm not saying "if people can't afford the food, they did something wrong!" but we went to affordable restaurants and fast food places the whole weekend and it bothered me so much to hear one person complain about how a meal was $12-ish when Bobcats for Life covered the member's entire plane ticket of almost $400. 

Trip planning tip #3: It's better to plan in excess and then decide to play things by ear, than to play things by ear and then have chaos. I planned our schedule for the trip and provided it to our members before leaving, but still... things could have been smoother. The biggest issue we had with this was meals. "Where do y'all want to eat?" or "What kind of food do y'all want?" never get anywhere. I planned a few meals and locations ahead of time, but when it was 11:00 p.m. and everyone was tired from flying and very hungry, it was difficult. I wish I had found a restaurant earlier so we wouldn't have had to waste so much time locating one on Yelp.

Trip planning tip #4: Mention manners ahead of time. This mostly means to say something along the lines of "Don't have your cell phone out at dinner unless you need it to be out." This translates to: "Dinner is not the time for meaningless scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Aside from the fact that this should be common sense, leading a group of eight 18-21 year olds through this trip taught me that common sense is not all that common. At one restaurant, 6 members had phones out at once. It was just flat out embarrassing. The group should be representing the organization in a professional manner, not looking like a bunch of 8th graders at the mall. 

Trip planning tip #5: You can never be too explicit with expectations. I am NOT saying to make a bunch of rules and be all naggy about that. We had like 4 rules- 1) keep your phone on and charged all weekend. 2) always have at least one person from the group with you. 3) if you go out after 9:00 p.m., just let someone know where you & your buddy are headed. 4) text me before you depart/after you land. However, when weather predictions say that the weekend will be around 20 degrees, if you mention to one person that he should plan to wear pants and he shows up for the trip wearing shorts.... I mean.... it really just put me in a bad mood. It's the common sense thing again. I wish I had emphasized more seriously that I was not kidding that shorts aren't okay. It isn't a fashion rule, but an "I don't want to deal with you getting pneumonia" rule. This member only packed 1 long sleeved shirt and 1 hoodie also. We had to stop at Ryan's on the way out of town to get more layers. It really started my day off on the wrong foot. 

Trip planning tip #6: Couples can be dangerous. I knew that Ryan and I would be attending the Students for Life conference together and no one else was going and I knew that we had a few sightseeing things that we wanted to do during free time, but I didn't think about the consequences that multiple pairs in a small group could have. Obviously Ryan is my best friend so it is logical that we would spend time together, likewise one member had her sister there (who doesn't go to TX State so wasn't too familiar with the rest of the group) so it was way logical that they would stick together, we had one member whose boyfriend got her the free flight through work so he was flying out with her - I didn't know he was staying in DC that weekend - so I learned that they would be together, so that left 3 members without a sister or boyfriend. I figured we would do more things as a group than we did, but that was difficult when Ryan & I had to go to the conference. Also, had a member who was sick part of the time and then went to meet up with friends that she had in the area, which I later learned was actually her boyfriend (I wasn't mad, it just felt deceptive to not say something about how your boyfriend happens to live in the city you are about to visit...). SO that made 2 couples  (romantic & biological paha) in the group, 2 people in the group with boyfriends in the city, and left 2 members without a partner other than each other. It sucked for them because when we had free time and all the couples were out, they were forced to do things together and they didn't really get along. One person said she was yelled at in a museum by the other and it was just like... sad. I was bummed by the two members of the group who had boyfriends in the city that didn't attempt to include our two solo members. 

Trip planning tip #7: Provide addresses & maps & directions ahead of time. I actually did this one! However, as I have mentioned before.... common sense doesn't always come into play. Here is an example of how one conversation went that could have been prevented if this group member had utilized the information packet I provided in advance:

G: what time is Mass?
S: 5:15, all the information and the time is in the packet
G: okay!! how do we get there? can we walk?
S: take the metro, the map & the metro stop are listed in the packet.

G: okay! do you know the name of the stop?

S: it is Brookland CUA. 

G: what's the address so we know how to get there?

This was all taking place while Ryan and I were at the Students for Life conference ON TOP OF another member texting me similar questions. Eventually, I just sent out a group text with all the info anyone could ever want about our trip to the Basilica as a preemptive strike. 

Trip planning tip #7: Take members who have been very active and shown passion for the cause all year. That's all I'm going to say for now, but it is essential. Without passion for the cause, people wouldn't want to spend hours in the cold and walk for a very long time in a slow moving group for the march (which is the whole reason for the trip).

Trip planning tip #8: You can't make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. I put lots of hours into planning this trip and doing everything I can to make sure it was an affordable and enjoyable time. It sucked to feel like I couldn't make people happy - especially the two members that were left after everyone had "paired off" - but I did everything I could. 

I'll post happy things & fun pictures & memories at a later time, ttfn!

office hours

Can't sleep and remembered that I meant to blog about a week I had in December.

I've written before about how I have trouble figuring out grief. When Jon Scharfenberger passed away, I felt strange for mourning because I really barely knew him. We had a few very brief conversations in group settings, but when he was in that accident... I felt so much pain for him. I remember crying and praying and sitting in the chapel just at a loss for words. I didn't understand how to process the grief I was experiencing because I felt like I wasn't allowed to be so sad for someone I barely knew. I think part of the reason Jon's death hit me so deeply was that he was so involved in the movement and so young - it felt so close to home. It felt like a that could've been me... or any of us kind of thing. Well that feeling returned this past December.

One of my classmates in the school of social work passed away. She, too, was a passenger in a fatal car accident. She was 25 years old and had a precious young daughter. When I received the e-mail about the news, I felt so much guilt because I was not sure who she was. This woman who I have shared classes with for the past few semesters... I couldn't even be sure if I was picturing the right person. That was just a shameful moment for me. Then I searched for her on Facebook and found her... and I wept. It was an eerie feeling reading her "about me" and "favorite quotes." The part that broke my heart twice over was about how she was so ready to graduate and get her career as a social worker going... and how she loved her babygirl more than anything in the world. It was heartbreaking to read. How can someone be here one day, in class, on Facebook... and so quickly gone the next? It really could've been any of us... it could've been me... and oh that poor little girl... only two years old. Will she even remember what her mother looks like?

I began processing what happened and dreaded going to my social work classes that week. The professors would obviously mention what happened... and sometimes bad news just doesn't get easier to hear, even when you know what's coming. It was hard keeping it together as the attendance sheet was passed around the classroom and her name was still there; her usual desk was empty in the back of the room. This reflection brings me to tears. In my second class of the day, after managing to hold it together pretty well, my professor started to share the news again in case some students had not heard about our classmate's fate. Once again, her absence from the room felt so evident. She was quiet and sat in the back of the room, seemingly unnoticed, but that day... her absence was deafening.

Our professor, a strong and confident woman, began to share the basic facts of what happened. She was gentle and rehearsed... then she broke. She said, "I'm sorry - I told myself I wouldn't do this - " and she cried for a minute. I sat in the far back left corner of the room and I just put my head against the wall and let my hair cover my face and closed my eyes. She continued, "I just - can't believe it. Just on Thursday she was in my office hours and we were talking and now -- " and she cried.

The week went on and deadlines for our huge papers came up and questions about grad school dug knives into my stomach. I felt terrible. I felt the same mix of grief, guilt, why-not-me that I'd felt after Jon's passing. I guess I should be grateful for that confusion because it means I have not had to grieve the loss of too many loved ones in my life, but it was still hard. Eventually, my emotional and mental stress manifested itself in my schoolwork. I did terribly on an assignment I worked so long on. I just felt so depressed. Hopeless. So I went in to my professor's office hours thinking we would discuss my paper after she so graciously allowed me to go through it again.

I ended up crying in her office and a deeply buried existential crisis came out of nowhere in the form of "AM I EVEN GOING TO BE A GOOD SOCIAL WORKER?" and turned into a whole life-purpose questioning. My fears about my resume - how it is nearly 100% pro-life related - emerged. "SOCIAL WORKERS THINK 'PRO-LIFE' MEANS CRAZY. NO ONE WILL EVER WANT ME AT THEIR GRAD SCHOOL." And I just broke down (sense a recurring theme for this week? take a shot every time I have a breakdown... you'll be drunk in no time!). Luckily, this was no ordinary professor. This was a woman who loves what she does, cares about her students, and is basically who I want to be when I am a social worker one day. I've taken her for 3 classes and have gotten to know her somewhat personally and have grown to respect her immensely. After a week faced with fear of my own future, experiencing the termination of another's future, grief, stress, and self-doubt, she said one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me. We spoke about the abundance of pro-life work on my resume and how it can be phrased to appeal to individuals who may not be pro-life and, knowing she is pro-choice, that gave me comfort. She told me that I could be a social worker and still maintain my values and she said, "you wouldn't judge women who have had abortions, you wouldn't judge men who abuse their children." Oh and I tell you, just that little bit of confidence in me that she had in that statement...it's what I needed to keep from spiraling further into crisis mode. I don't even know why I'm writing about this but I just want to remember it one day. I wish I could have recorded that conversation, minus my sniffling and blowing my nose, and I could just listen when I am feeling like the only one of my kind in a sea of "choice." I don't know why I wrote this, really, but I can't sleep and started thinking about that comment my professor made to me and then reflecting on Amanda's passing and it just felt good to get that out.

(from BHLDN pinterest)

recent pro-lifery

I've been busy sorting out the details of our group's first trip to the DC March For Life, so I've been tapping away at my computer and making excel spreadsheets and trying to make sense of all these numbers...

but I've also discovered my new favorite way to "waste" time on a computer - no, not Pinterest (but I do LOVE it). I love to play with PhotoShop. I don't know what to call what I do when I spend time on there, but I love making things and flyers and, oh I love editing pictures, just everything. I am an amateur by all means and would never claim anything contrary, but it just makes me happy and I don't think I'm too terribly terrible at it. I have even felt proud of some of my "creations." I don't feel proud too much, so it's nice!

Anyways, these are some of the little things I have been making lately:

just fun. 

note to self

remember when you used to play guitar all the time? when you used to write? what happened to that? you loved it, ya know. sigh.

2012 in review.

Well, I haven't posted since the birth of my precious niece. OOPS.
Anyways, here's 2012 in review (mostly in pictures).
Oh yeah... I guess nothing happened in March... because somehow I missed that month.

MARCH??? WHAT HAPPENED?!

So that's a year (or at least 11 months of it) in the life of Sarah... sans pro-lifery. I have an upper respiratory infection right now so I've been getting a lot of work done and playing with photoshop so many hours these days. Maybe tomorrow will be time for a "year in the (pro)life" post.

xoxo,
gossip girl

Just kidding, but I have been watching lots and lots of Gossip Girl over break. Literally, like I've been through 4 seasons of it. Anyways, that's all for now.